From B. Tremblay
Writer and public intellectual.
Nerd since 1952
This is my basic version of the CAESAR!
What you need: Clamato juice (tomato and clam juice), vodka, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco sauce, salt, pepper, a crispy stalk of celery, a wedge of lime, and if you have it, Club House Caesar rim seasoning.
First you need the serve this cocktail in made for real men (hoorah!) glasses – with a capacity of at least 20 ounces (650ml)! I don’t serve cocktails in silly small delicate looking glasses. I usually put the glasses in the freezer for about 5 minutes before preparing the cocktail. My other rule is that you can destroy a perfectly good cocktail with too much alcohol. Hence, I rarely put in more than a shot glass (1.5 ounce or about 40 ml) of vodka in a 20-ounce glass. The ladies often tell me they prefer even less alcohol.
STEP ONE: put three cubes of ice in the glass. Pour in a measure of Vodka. Then 4-5 dashes of Worcestershire sauce followed by 2-3 dashes of Tabasco sauce (or Louisiana hot sauce). I sprinkle with salt and pepper.
STEP TWO: pour the Clamato juice to fill two thirds of the glass.
STEP THREE: put in more ice cubes in the glass as to fill it. Then you sprinkle salt the ice at the top. Place a crisp celery stalk in the glass and insert a wedge of lime to make it look good. (If you want to rim the glass with rim seasoning – go ahead).
STEP FOUR: Enjoy!
Before I leave to hunt moose (hoorah!) in the bush - the boys are banging on my trailer door to hurry me up, I need to tell a real corny joke! Don't worry; it’s a tame joke you can tell the ladies.
The Chauffeur and the Scientist
A chauffeur with his limousine went to the airport in Atlanta, Georgia (USA) to get one of the most illustrious nuclear scientists in the United States (he had won a Nobel Prize in science a few years back and was teaching at the prestigious Massachusetts Institute of Technology). He was to give a speech at a scientific conference in town.
While he was driving the chauffeur noticed that the scientist was not feeling well.
Chauffeur: 'Sir, you're not feeling good?'
Scientist: 'No, I've worked so hard these past few weeks on a project, and I am exhausted. I'm not looking forward to make this speech at the conference.'
After a few minutes the chauffeur says: 'Look, Sir, I might be able to help you.'
Scientist: 'How so.'
Chauffeur: 'You see, I'm a part-time preacher at an Evangelical Church near Atlanta, and I could take your place at the conference and whip up a good old-time preaching, I can work up any kind of gathering. I guarantee they'll like it!
Hey, we somewhat look alike, and we could trade places. You could stay at the back of the conference room, and you could rest while I do the speaking.'
Chauffeur: 'Try me, Sir, and you'll not be disappointed.'
After a few minutes, the tired Scientist agreed.
So when they arrived at the conference hall, they switched clothing. The Chauffeur came out of the limousine dressed up as the Scientist, and the Scientist, dressed as the Chauffeur followed behind.
The Chauffeur was greeted by the conference organizers as the celebrated scientist he was supposed to be, and was invited to give the keynote address by the conference president. The Chauffeur roared into his speech, gesticulating, using common sense and humour to the evident pleasure of all.
The Chauffeur did so well that he received an enthusiastic standing ovation for long minutes. When that finally ended, the conference president said that the attendees had requested to ask one question. Some geek from Harvard University stood up, and asked the Chauffeur this question:
'Sir, we thank you for this magnificent speech of yours. I have been elected by all to ask you this important question and we would like your considered views on that question: Could you tell us how astronomers were able to measure B-mode polarization in the in the cosmic microwave background radiation?' All the gathered scientists were eager for the scientist’s views on this.
And so the Chauffeur, taken aback by the question, for which he knew nothing, paused long minutes, and then responded: 'Sir, I don't understand why you asked this stupid question. This is the kind of question that anyone in the street can answer. For proof, even my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back of this room will answer you easily….'
Big Bad POPS…….
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